Pain in the &*(%#

The following picture is not for the squeamish of heart. My wife will be embarrassed that I've posted this, but I wanted to invite everyone else into my own misery of the last few days.

I also recall a comment a friend made a while back about bloggers who are never transparent with their real lives. Most of the bloggers I know don't fall into this category, but I wanted to make sure that I qualify.

What you see above is a boil. A boil is "a skin disease caused by the inflammation of hair follicles, thus resulting in the localized accumulation of pus and dead tissues." (Thanks, Wikipedia.)

Here's the best part. It's on my left butt cheek. Yep. Gag now and keep reading.

I did start out as a small bump, but over the weekend grew to the size of an egg within my posterior. It's extremely painful, tight, and hot. Yesterday, it began to get so bothersome, that whenever I stood up, I almost buckled from the pain. Today.. misery.

I made Carolyn try to "pop it" with needles, alcohol and liberal squeezing. (Mom, you still with us?) to no avail. In desperation, I went to the doctor today - it takes something huge to send me there. After sitting in the waiting room visiting pleasantly (as much as a man with a boil on his butt can visit pleasantly) with Carolyn (yes, my wife is superwoman!!!), Kim Piggot, and Clay Brown, I was finally called to the back. There, Doc Connelley tried to stick it with a sharp knife. No explosion. Just pain.

The result? Pain meds (yippee!) and antibiotics. Dangit! I wanted instant relief, but it looks like I'm in for another night of sitting on a heat pad, catching up with this past season of Smallville.

I'm sure many of you could offer some interesting application from all this - even spiritual. I'd be interested in the conclusions you draw.

The End (literally)

Comments

[Karl C.]

Jeff, it must really hurt. I noticed your limp from 200 yards away yesterday. I thought you had blown out a knee or something with that hitch in your gitty up. If this didn't qualify for the 'private' blog, don't worry about me signing up for it. All of the good stuff will still be here!

[Jeff]

Amanda... a little gagging is healthy for the soul. Remember that. And if that's what it took to move you from the ranks of lurker to gagger to commenter, then so be it!

Mark... well, thank you very much! I'm glad you appreciated the post. I'm just sorry it made so many people's blood "boil." ;)

And Mitch... ah, my friend, I regret that I have but one boil to give for my country. I would gladly endure more to ensure my nation's health, vision, and moral compass.

[Mark W.]

Awesome post! Although no one else has admitted this in the comments, the fact that you've received at least 11 comments on this post is proof that people really love to get something unusual and exciting out of a blog: swollen butt pics included! Really! How many people in the world can say, "I saw my pastor's inflamed butt boil on the internet!" This is edgy stuff, man. Keep it coming!...and may relief come quickly!

[mitch]

it's interesting to me that you and Carolyn spend time take photos of each other in the nude. To each his own, I suspect. I can only guess that the photos of Carolyn's ass are much more attractive.

[Mitch]

I can only assume this is reflective of some kind of sin in your life. I'm guessing it's because you voted for George Bush. Bring on the sackcloth and ashes.

[Jim]

Jeff, take a potsherd and scrape yourself withal. (Job 2:7) Sorry, thats the only spiritual application I've got for that one.

[Carolyn Noble]

I did not take the photo for it to be blasted all over the world wide web!!! I took it because he couldnt see it himself and he could not understand WHY I couldnt just pop it and relieve his pain!!! HE is crazy and sometime really a pain in the @*#!!!!!

[Jeff]

Yes, Caro took the picture. She has taken an unusual amount of pleasure in the last couple of days over all this, alternating between genuine love and sympathy to hysteria.

[Amanda G.]

WHY WOULD YOU EVEN TAKE A PICTURE OF THAT?!?!?

Carolyn,

Did you take it? What on earth were you thinking?

[Amanda G.]

Ok, so i really did gag...alot!! Lindy was reading this and said, "you've got to come see this." Little did I know it would be my former BCM director and pastor showing his butt, literally. I am with Kristy, there are some things that just shouldn't be posted. Ugh, just thinking about it makes we want to gag again. Lindy and Lori have been giving me a hard time about my weak stomach and the fact that I gag alot, but this does nothing to strengthen my tolerance. Thanks, I think I am past gagging now.

Oh, by the way, aren't you glad that I chose this particular entry to finally comment on, rather than simply lurk and go on about my business.

[kristy]

all I can say is GROSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! okay, there's something to be said for leaving some info for those closest to you. it's true that i'm more me behind the computer screen but geez, where's the limit?must we hear the gnarly details of your butt cheek and ear hairs???? am I the only blogger left that is not sharing deeply personal things with the whole world! I say this would've been a good one for the whole new "private blog" thing.surely one must think to leave some stuff for the imagination! :)

[Mike Hales]

Jeff, I think a profile shot could possibly do this more justice. Talk to Carolyn about the best background for such a picture.

However bad it was going to see Doc C. about this, remember it could always be worse (or at least more embarrassing.

[Carolyn]

Why do you do this to me!!!! Do you have any privacy in your life!! The picture doesnt even do it any justice. It is as big as a baseball! IT is huge and gross!! And I AM superwoman!!!!